I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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