Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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