I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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