Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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