I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
