My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
