Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
