I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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