Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
