so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize