Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
