My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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