it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
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Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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