I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize