I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
