Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
