today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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