you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
