He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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