shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
