And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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