What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
