just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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