2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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