Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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