i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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