Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
