and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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