Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
