Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
