I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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