Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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