I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....