Kiss
Puke
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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