doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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