It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sobbing to NWA
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
