Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
