I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
