please come you make the beer taste better
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
