So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
