If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
