how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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