what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
