GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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