I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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