when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
