I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
