marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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