the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
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i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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