My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
