You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.