dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
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She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.