I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat