conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?