Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream