i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap