Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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