dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
