I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
