Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
