The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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