I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
