Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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