You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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