So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
