i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
