This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
