I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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