dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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