We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
