Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
