Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my sisters under your porch take her home
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
