don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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