Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up under a house in Key West
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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