Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
