Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
