Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
